city syndrome


it's not that i want to be perfect by anyone's standard, but i want to be perfect by MY standard. although i am perfectly perfect by being so imperfect

I'm K, I'm 21 years old.
Height: 5'4" HW: 145 lbs SW: 143 lbs CW: 143 lbs

GW1: 125 lbs GW2: 120 lbs UGW: 115 lbs

135 lbs [pedicure]
132 lbs [manicure]
129 lbs [new perfume]
126 lbs [new watch]
123 lbs [date night + lingerie for R]
117 lbs [professional pics w/ R]
115 [clothes shopping spree!]

I’m so disappointed in myself. These last two months I’ve just completely fallen off everything I set out to do… What’s worse is that instead of dieting, or even just maintaining my weight, I’ve been binge eating. Not just for a couple days.. like the past month at least. I must’ve gained weight, but I’ve been TOO afraid to look at the scale. Any one have this problem?

I’m moving out into a house soon with two room mates, my fiance and best friend. I think that should help. I’ve been depressed and have anxiety and I’m almost positive I have ADD too, so I scheduled an appointment to see a psychiatrist, and I’m seeing a therapist next Monday who will then refer me to a psych. I’m just hoping they can get me on meds and get me help, because I have no motivation and my thoughts are so negative..

and my life has been a roller coaster for the past 3 years at least. If not my entire life.

I was prescribed adderall for about 6 months and it really helped with schooling and the best side effect was weight loss. Maybe I’ll get another prescription and lose weight again? But honestly, I just want to control it on my own. 

I think once I get antidepressant meds though I should change really quick. 

So, sorry followers for the lack of posts and photos lately.